I had big ideas for the last day of March and this new things project. I wanted to go out with a bang, but none of my ideas seemed to fit. I thought about a helicopter or hot air balloon ride (something about a greater perspective), but it was a bad weather day for that. I thought about doing something crazy like skinny-dipping in the bay, but, just… no. I considered dyeing my hair a new color or taking an epic hike, but none of it felt quite right.
I think it’s because I don’t want the project to be over. It was exhausting, and things didn’t always go the way I planned. Frankly, sometimes the whole thing was a gigantic pain in the ass. But someone asked me today why I started this to begin with, and I think it was about more than celebrating my birthday. It was about wanting something more. Being hungry for something but not knowing exactly what it is.
I am a very contented person most of the time. I am beyond grateful for everything and everyone that I have. But the older I get, the more I think about the responsibility I have to myself to make my life what I want it to be. I usually try to go for what I want, at least in small ways, but too often I let fear, doubt, routine, and just plain laziness keep me from doing. I squander opportunity on a daily basis, and this month was no exception.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of myself. I did try a lot of new things. I did go out of my comfort zone. I did post on this damn blog every single night. But there was always something more I could have been doing. More ways I could have been braver or stretched myself. Places I could have gone that I’m not yet (and maybe never will be) willing to go.
I guess there’s always something more we all could be doing for ourselves, more ways we could let ourselves grow. That’s why I don’t want to think of this as an end. It’s not really a beginning either, just a continuation. Which is why I decided, on this last day, to make sure that I continue.
I spent the evening booking things on my list that I didn’t have a chance to get to this month, including the following:
Plan a trip to a new state. If you read the About Me section, you know that I want to visit all 50 states. I’ve been on and off planning a trip to Utah in my head for months, and today I went the extra mile to pick some dates, and book a hotel. I’m planning for a September fall foliage road trip. This will be my first real solo vacation, and I think state #25, which means I’ll be half way there!
Golf lesson. I love swinging a golf club, and I’m not too bad at it either, but I’ve never taken a lesson, so I finally booked one for the end of April.
Go to the de Young Museum. This is one of the most famous museums in SF and I’ve still never been, so I finally bought tickets. Fun fact, the first location of the de Young opened on March 24th (my birthday), 1895.
Apply to the Amtrak Writer’s Residency. I haven’t officially applied yet, but I started my application statement. To read about the program, click here. I’m definitely ready for another train trip.
Special thanks to:
-Everyone who read, commented on, liked, and followed this blog.
-Everyone who participated in one or many of my new things. It meant so much to have you there with me to hold my hand and laugh
at with me.
-Everyone who cared enough to ask how things were going, and what my new thing was for that day. Your interest was influential in this.
-My family, especially my parents for their never ending love and support.
-My friends. I know you’ll love me no matter how many crazy things I try or stupid blogs I start.